Category Archives: Controlling Nervousness

Ways to make those butterflies fly in formation.

Its Not About You

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One reason people come to me for help with their communication or leadership skills is their worries about how they will be judged – on the words they choose to say, on the gestures they make when speaking…

The first tip I share with them is. “It’s not about you!”  That comes as a surprise to them because they are “The Presenter” – the one who is sharing a message, standing in front of the board meeting, or being asked for guidance. And I’m happy to help them polish their communication skills.

But the bottom line is to understand what your audience needs.   Who are they- Customers? Staff? Team Members? Board of Directors?  You’ve been asked to share something with them.  It’s about them – what do they need to hear?  What do they need to learn from your experiences, your expertise, your guidance?  How can you make their efforts easier, their burdens lighter, their decisions easier?

That does not mean “What do you want them to know?”  It’s easy to slide into telling them what you want them to know about your products, about your project, about your challenges.  But if it doesn’t help them get to their next step – to see their path more clearly – they will not be ready to hear your message.  They have to see the value that your message brings to them.

Share from your unique experiences, unique talents, unique perspective.  When you give them something of value that they can apply to their lives, then you have been an effective communicator – an effective leader!

Speakers Block

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You’ve heard of “Writer’s Block” and it describes how a writer gets stuck and doesn’t know what to write next to get back into the flow of the story or information they’re writing about.  When a speakers’ mind goes blank and they can’t remember what they were talking about, shouldn’t we call that “Speaker’s Block”? Sometimes fear of this happening is enough to make someone call in sick.

What do you do when you can’t remember what to say next?  Here are some points to help you get back on tract and finish, with your nerves and image intact:

  • Notes
  • Be Honest
  • Ask for Questions

Notes

In other posts, I’ve talked about the importance of writing notes and given you suggestions for using them.  Even if you feel you don’t need them, I highly recommend having something available to reference. If you are using visual aides (Power Point, flip chart, etc) glancing at them can be enough to get you back on track.  Otherwise, it can be a simple as a small card with your 3 key points and conclusion statement on it.

Be Honest

Breathe.  Pause.  Then look up at the audience and tell them that you just lost track of what you were saying, and ask if anyone can help you out.  Could this be a bad idea in some speaking situations?  Yes, but you can’t just tell them “that’s all!” and walk off stage.  It does happen to everyone and most often you will recover quickly with a little nudge from your audience.  The most important thing is to not let it ruin the rest of your presentation.  That is under your control.  Don’t rush the ending, make derogatory statements, or otherwise condemn yourself.  Some speakers have been seen in a more positive light after a “block” moment because their audience saw their ability to remain professional and still deliver a stellar performance.  That’s what you’re going for.

Ask for Questions

Besides asking what you were talking about, you could ask if there are any questions about what you’ve covered up to that point. This will not work if you are only in the beginning of your presentation or if there simply are no questions.  Also consider the timing – were you planning to take a break and would now be a good time?  You can ask that of the group also.

Be professional, be honest, be prepared, be human.

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(c) 2012, Peggy Kimmey. Peggy Kimmey is a public speaking coach for business people. She shows clients how to take the “eek” out of public speaking and become more effective communicators.

Contact Peggy at www.kimmeyconsulting.com

Be You on Stage

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For some folks, speaking fears are not about the people or the electronics (microphones, video cameras), it’s the stage – any raised platform – that effects them.  I’d like to share some points to help you use the stage effectively and alleviate some of those fears.  I’ll talk about:

  • Entrance and Exit;
  • Feel it;
  • See your audience; and
  • Use it!

Entrance and Exit

Don’t let your first experience of the stage be when you are invited to come up onto it.  Arrive early and ask if you can have a few minutes up on stage.  First, notice the stairs.  Is there only one set or can you enter from either side?  Are they expecting you to enter or exit from a particular side?  Notice the steps: are they solid or shaky; is there a handrail; are they a short step or tall?  If you are a woman, especially be aware of being secure if you are wearing heels or a fitted skirt.  Pay attention both when you walk up and when you walk down.  It’s OK to look at your feet as you use the stairs, but once you are on level (the stage or the floor) rise your head and move forward with confidence.

Feel It

Walk all around the stage.  Know if there is a loose or uneven section.  Are there other things on the stage, (lectern, microphone & stand, flip chart or white board, display screen, curtains, electronics, signs or other hanging or dangling objects, etc.) either for your use or for other speakers?  Be aware of all of it, whether you intend to use it or not. Own them as items under your control in your space when you are on stage.   If there are pieces you will use, be sure to practice with them: markers are full of ink and a good color to be seen at the back of the room; projection clicker has fully charged batteries; you have a safe and accessible place for your water bottle.

See Your Audience

Picture people sitting in the seats in front of you.  Are they lined-up, one behind the other, or is every other row off-set for people to see between the folks in front of them?  You’ve seen the sign on the back of trucks: “If you can’t see me I can’t see you!”  This is true also for your audience.  They came to see you not just listen to you, and they will only sit tilted so they can see you for a short time. Use the space of the stage that you’ve been given and move so everyone can comfortably see you some of the time.  Even if you are confined to a lectern or immobile microphone, shift to the side some of the time.  Let your audience see that you are trying to connect with all of them even when it is difficult for you to do it.

Use It!

Assuming everything is set up so you have full and complete use of the stage, take time to consider your speech and how your practiced movements will fit here.  Should you make your gestures bigger?  Can you show elapsed time of a journey by moving across the stage?  Move back – forward – use the sides – peer over the edge.  This isn’t just where you are standing, this is an enormous prop ready and willing to support you in getting your message across to your audience. Use it!

These tactics will help you more effectively incorporate the stage into your presentation.  Taking the time to prepare, allowing yourself to become comfortable, and deciding how best to use it for YOU will make a significant difference in your nervousness about being on stage.
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(c) 2012, Peggy Kimmey. Peggy Kimmey is a public speaking coach for business people. She shows clients how to take the “eek” out of public speaking and become more effective communicators.

Contact Peggy at www.kimmeyconsulting.com

Microphone Fears

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You may do GREAT speaking one-to-one or even to a group – but do you have a fear of the microphone?

I’m not going to try to psychoanalyze why you have this fear – I’m not trained to do that, and it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that you either want to be able to use a microphone without the stress you are currently having, or you are required to, regardless of how you feel.  So, lets get on with how to manage that fear and do it anyway (check out the book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan J Jeffers).

Things you need to keep in mind:

  • It’s not about you.
  • Practice for you.
  • Practice for your Audience.

It’s Not About You

The microphone is being used so the whole audience can easily hear you.  You have an important message to share, but if they cannot hear you clearly, they will miss it.  When people have to strain to hear a quiet speaker, they will only continue for a short time before they are worn out and stop trying.  Then they will start thinking of other things, maybe talk to the people around them (ensuring that they cannot hear either), and the effectiveness of your presentation will continue to decline the longer you speak without being heard. That microphone is a tool to help you be more effective.

Practice for You

Learning to use a microphone effectively takes time, just like any “tool of the trade.”  A carpenter was not skilled when she first picked up a saw or power drill – she had to practice.  So get a microphone to practice with, or make time to practice at the site where you will give your presentation.  There are different kinds of microphones, so find out what kind you will be using, and practice with that style (or a toy replica).

Become comfortable incorporating gestures and vocal variety while still using the microphone effectively.  I’ve seen speakers hold a microphone in their dominant hand, then every time they used gestures, they moved the microphone away from them and their words were lost.  Holding a microphone at the same, consistent distance may become uncomfortable, but better you be uncomfortable than your audience.  If you need to switch hands, be sure you’ve practiced and know how to hold it effectively in either hand.

Know the speaking space.  If your microphone is stationary, you may need to re-think the body movement you were going to use to convey a long distance traveled because you need to stay in one place.  If you can move, but have a cord connection, know how long the cord is, and where it lies.  Be precise in your movements so you don’t over stretch or stumble on the cord.  Can you work it into your presentation, or at least if you need to adjust it, do it intentionally and seamlessly.

With wireless microphones, test speaking and walking around the room.  Often you’ll get feedback (terrible screeching) through your microphone output when you are too close to another microphone, the speakers, or other equipment.  Mark the floor with tape if you need to remind yourself where your boundaries are.

This may sound like a lot of extra effort when you already are putting time into practicing your presentation, but not feeling competent in any of these areas can throw you an unexpected interruption.  Those interruptions often derail an otherwise well-presented speech.  Practice.

Practice for Your Audience

When you are comfortable and in-charge of the room, your audience will feel comfortable too.  (Watch Cesar Milan the “Dog Whisperer” who teaches about how our energy communicates with dogs – it works for us too!)  Now that you are feeling more comfortable with using a microphone, take your practice a level deeper and consider your audience.  How do you sound through the speakers.  I know I need to speak more slowly and be more articulate in my enunciation.  Whatever kind of microphone, it needs to be below my mouth, so the sound comes out and across the top, or from high on my chest (clip style).  Test with some tongue twisters like “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.”  Of you get feedback – like “popping” your P sounds – change the location or angle of the microphone.

If you have a point in your speech where vocal variety is key, practice that section.  If you get too loud you may overpower the sound system.  If you whisper, it may still not be able to pick up what you say.

You may never like using a microphone, but practicing so you become more comfortable using one and your success using one will help your fears diminish.

Keep at it – and please, post your success!

(c) 2012, Peggy Kimmey. Peggy Kimmey is a public speaking coach for business people. She shows clients how to take the “eek” out of public speaking and become more effective communicators.

Contact Peggy at www.kimmeyconsulting.com

Speak Up in Meetings

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Question: When I’m in a meeting and have an idea, I’m too uncomfortable to say anything. Eventually someone else suggests -and gets credit for- the idea I had. What can I do?

Answer: Two areas to focus on: controlling nervousness and planning what to say.

Control Nervousness: Take slow deep breaths – this will tell your body you’re not in “fight or flight” mode. Relax your shoulders and put a smile – or at least a relaxed expression, on your face. When making your suggestion, just look at one person for a phrase or two before you move to the next person.

Planning: Make notes when you get the idea – it will look like you are taking notes of the meeting. Write down – short & clear – your idea, then two or three supporting points. Make your suggestion loud enough to be heard by the whole room, including your supporting points.  If you have the idea before the meeting, practice (out loud) what you are going to say.  Contact the meeting coordinator to let them know you have an idea or important point to make – get on the agenda.  If you require a visual to make your idea more clear, have one prepared – don’t take time to go to a white board and draw from scratch.

When your information is clear and to the point, and you present it with confidence and conviction, people are more likely to follow.  Be the leader they are looking for!

Please let us know if this tip was helpful – or ask questions for other tips we can share.

Visualize

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What should you visualize? Take a moment to mentally “see” yourself giving your speech successfully, beginning to end, using visual aids, answering questions, remembering the content. Allow yourself to feel confident, successful, and proud. To your mind, this practice is real. Now that you’ve given this speech successfully, giving it another time will be a simple matter.

Does this sound a little like the old suggestion “fake it ’till you make it”? Following that suggestion, your subconscious knows you are faking it and undermines you as you practice.  I suggest that in your visualizing, you try the “what if” factor, asking yourself what it will feel like after you’ve practiced many times and you know all your information – your visualization isn’t a practice of how you’d do “right now” but of how you can be at your best.

Dr. Denis Waitley trained NASA astronauts and Olympic athletes to use this same process – to visualize their success in either their outer space duties or winning competitions in the Olympics.  To learn more about this accomplished author and this process he teaches, go to his website at  www.waitley.com.

The Gift

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“You are giving a speech.” I’d like to break that sentence down.  Without You that sentence wouldn’t make sense. You are the most important part so the whole thing starts with you – literally.  You are a very important part of the presentation.

The action is “are giving” something with the audience that you have spent much time and energy creating.  Appreciate your own efforts and expect others to do the same. You aren’t taking turns, going around the room reading a paragraph or two like you did in grade school.  This information is something that you have researched, taken time to organize, and have practiced in order to present it effectively.  If you had taken the time to search for and purchase an expensive gift, you wouldn’t be ashamed and throw it at them.  You’d hand it to them carefully, then watch with expectation while they opened it and were thrilled by your choice.  Give this gift to your audience the same way.

Finally, what you have created, “a speech”. Better to think of it as a conversation with your audience.  You share some information – they receive it and give you a response, even if it’s non-verbal.  You watch their eyes, their body language, the way they sit in their seats.  You know if they agree or disagree, are interested or bored, are confused or intrigued.  You know if you need to go into more detail, or if your audience is with you and you can move to the next topic.  Be in the flow of conversation with your audience.

Have you heard the saying “the journey is part of the gift”?  Your journey to become a more effective communicator is part of the gift you give with each speech or presentation.  Honor your efforts and expect your audience to do the same.

Smile

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There is a chemical reaction in your brain when you smile. Your body relaxes. You are telling yourself that you are not in “fight or flight” mode, so it stops sending adrenaline into your system. Even if you are about to speak on a serious topic, show yourself to be pleasant and open with a smile for your audience. Smile and shake the hand of the person who introduced you. Then you can settle into a more serious presence if that is more appropriate.

Need more scientific support to encourage you to smile when you’re stressed about giving your presentation?  Check out this excerpt from Eric Savitz, (Forbes Staff) in his article The Untapped Power Of Smiling :

“This theory is supported by various recent studies, including research out of Echnische Universität in Munich Germany. In a 2009 study, scientists there used fMRI (Functional MRI) imaging to measure brain activity in regions of emotional processing in the brain before and after injecting Botox to suppress smiling muscles. The findings showed that facial feedback (such as imitating a smile) actually modifies the neural processing of emotional content in the brain, and concluded that our brain’s circuitry of emotion and happiness is activated when we smile!”

Support yourself with a smile – and your audience will smile with you!

Breathe

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When we get nervous, we tense our bodies and take short, shallow breaths. By forcing yourself to take 2 or 3 slow deep breaths before you are introduced and as you are walking to your speaking place, you will send your body the signal to relax. You’re telling your body “Things aren’t as bad as I thought.”  You will feel and look more relaxed.

Take this further into your speech or presentation.  If you are using notes, write yourself a reminder (I draw a puffy little cloud) to pause and breathe after significant points, or even before introducing a new concept.  The breath slows you down, but it also gives your audience time to either “digest” what you just said, or gets their attention (what?  you stopped talking?) before you take them with you down a new information path.

Keep eye contact while you breathe – it lets the audience see that you are still in control and that the pause is intentional.

 

Own the Room

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In the room where you are speaking, walk around the whole room making noise, singing, and acting crazy. Once you have acted odd in every place in the room, giving your presentation will be much more “normal.”  You are familiar with the acoustics and you have heard your voice in the room, so you will not experience the feeling of “What? Who is that talking ? is it me? I sound funny!”

You have been chosen to give this presentation or speech.  Your audience has certain expectations – not about how well you present the information (though doing it well is nice and helps them remember what you’ve said).  They expect the person in the front of the room to be the leader.  They are ready to follow you not only through the information you present, but through your example of ownership – of leadership – of being responsible for everything that happens in the room while you are in charge.  If there is a disruptive person, you handle it.  If the building’s music system start to play, you are the one who takes charge (and sends someone else to make it stop).

Own the room – take charge – Lead.